"Getting Even" With Your Kids

"Getting Even" With Your Kids

I recently saw a bumper sticker that read, "Get even - live long enough to become a burden to your kids." Sadly, the irony of this bumper sticker is that so many people are now living long enough to really become a burden to their children. In the best of circumstances, even without financial anxiety, the natural course of the aging process produces unwanted consequences: loss of independence, emotional stress, physical incapacity, drug dependency, growing aches and pains, real and perceived isolation, and the increased awareness of one's own mortality. These natural consequences of aging impact all of us, regardless of our particular family situation.

Add to this picture the many financial demands accompanying aging. It is all too common that a financial burden is imposed upon the younger generation - your beloved children - who find themselves sandwiched between the needs of their own children and the needs of their aging parents (hence the term for this middle generation, the "sandwich generation"). And we can find no one to blame. Aging is natural and inevitable. But all is not despair, doom and gloom. In facing these aging issues head on and engaging in elder‑care planning, we can avoid the calamities ahead. Toward that end, parents and their adult children should discuss and actively participate in the elder‑care‑planning process. This process involves these steps:

(1) Accurately and honestly take stock of your resources and your likely needs, including health‑care, financial, religious, and emotional.

(2) Obtain the assistance of elder‑care professionals: Elder Law attorneys, geriatric specialists, the clergy, and other appropriate professional advisors.

(3) Develop a realistic plan to deal with the natural consequences of aging.

(4) Involve your children and other loved ones in the planning process. This means that your loved ones must be fully and honestly advised of your needs, your resources, and their role in the plan.

We, as Elder Law attorneys, help our clients in developing and implementing elder‑care plans beyond the bare‑bones legal aspects of such planning. We put you in touch with appropriate related professional advisors who can fill the gaps in vital areas of concern: health‑care, long‑term‑care insurance, asset preservation, financial planning, and residency needs, to name a few. We can help you communicate meaningfully with your loved ones - parents and children. In this way, Elder Law attorneys treat their clients holistically, meaning that we deal with your needs in the context of the big picture - the entire legal, social, financial and moral framework. It is now up to you to develop your elder‑care plan. Unless you face up to responsible elder‑care planning, the bumper sticker slogan may turn out to be the title of your family tragedy.